Snow

How can something as beautiful as snow be such a hassle? Being from New Mexico always meant that I would hoot and holler whenever I saw just a few flakes. Now I'm sitting on my windowsill watching the hardest snowfall I've ever seen. (And I'm not exaggerating, I'm just from New Mexico.) And as I sit here, watching people play below I can't help but feel a bit smug. Being on a mountain means we become even more isolated when weather gets bad. And while I know it's entirely stupid to leave and drive in these conditions I'm far too stubborn to enjoy it if it means I'll be missing our Invisible Children benefit show. I've been looking forward to this for weeks, months even and the anticipation was killing me. I couldn't believe that Emily and I didn't have to do much at all for this event, that Fareway was so willing to plan everything for us. It was their idea, they worked out details, they found the bands, they made the posters. They played at our last benefit, which really wasn't the greatest and they were still so willing to support us in this cause. I love people like that. Usually we're scrambling to find more than 7 people to get excited about stuff, yet they so willingly offered us all of this! The world needs more folks like them in it.

I've learned enough here at Covenant and this past semester especially to know that there is a good and perfect plan in everything. God is Sovereign. Why is believing that in situations where I so desperately want to take control so hard? I guess it's because sometimes I just don't believe that. Lord help me believe.

And here's the utmost irony. Just as I typed that prayer I got a call from Emily who had talked to Fareway's manager. He just said that the whole show was canceled due to weather and that we are rescheduling for February. Turns out I don't have to miss it after all.

Sometimes I'm convinced that God tests me to see if I'll have faith and trust in his perfect timing. And after surrendering the grasp I so dearly want to hold on to he shows me that his hand was in it all along and that he truly does work all things out for His glory and my good. How funny that God chose to use a thing as simple as snow to teach me something truly valuable. He never stops working, never.

So my plan for the day:
Be still.
Rest in my Heavenly Father.
Enjoy the snow. It truly is beautiful.
Continue the study in Ecclesiastes that I just started.
Read some of the awesome books I have.
Be satisfied.

(And maybe watch some Harry Potter...)

I've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. Not because this will be news for any one of the two people who reads this (thanks Kayla and Emily, ya'll are the best) but because putting it down in writing means that I'm opening up that tightly locked compartment in the back of my brain and admitting that this is a whole lot harder than I let on.

Last night I got to witness the Invisible Children office via livestream when they got the news that they had won one million dollars from Chase Community Bank. The office was ecstatic. There were shouts of joy, laughter, tears, and of course, dancing. Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling" filled the entire office and boy, a good night it was indeed.

Obviously I love Invisible Children from the bottom of my heart, but what they did next made me love them even more. Jason Russell, tears choking his words, got up to speak. He admitted how easy it is to get caught up thinking that they are something extraordinary, that they deserved the million dollars. He said that it's so easy to forget the one that made it possible and to think that without Christ any of this could've happened. Then they prayed. They thanked God and prayed that they would be good stewards of the money and that he would be glorified in their work and how they spend the money.

I knew that the founders were all Christians and that many of the staff and interns are as well, but to see it so clearly displayed was such an encouragement. It was so cool to be able to watch that-to see that the very first thing they did was thank God for the money and ask that he would bless their use of it and make it go far beyond what any of us imagine. It was truly beautiful. I am so thankful for each of them and the work they are doing.

And yet as I watched I could not help but wish to be there with them-dancing, praying, celebrating and preparing for the Spring Legacy Tour. I could not help but look at the new batch of Roadies and picture myself there with them as my new family.

I understand why I couldn't join them for this tour and I know that they have 60 incredible people that are each there for a purpose. I know that I need to be here at Covenant and I'm actually super excited for the semester. I've been learning so much since Christmas that it's kind of unbelievable. I'm constantly learning and growing and being challenged. Urbana was huge for me. My Missions and Community Development classes are phenomenal and are constantly forcing me to think deeper. Invisible Children here at Covenant will continue to grow as a club, which will be exciting to be a part of. I've been extremely thankful for my roommates and friendships here at Covenant that have already grown deeper this semester. I know that God will use me and grow me even further this semester and I have to constantly remind myself that being here, rather than on tour, is all a part of his good and perfect plan. God, help me to believe and rest in that truth.

I've been struggling with something lately. Until recently, I have never put much thought into what what Jesus meant when he said to "sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor." Everything? Surely not. My car? My computer? My phone? My clothes? My snowboard? Everything?

I've heard sermons on this passage before and the conclusion I mostly get is that we must be willing to give up our stuff or that we must have a heart of giving but the passage is not meant to be taken literal. The more I read, the more confused I am. I read stories about Shane Claiborne and how he left everything to move into the less than glamorous side of Philly. And then I hear pastors say that it shouldn't be taken literal. But the more I look at the Bible the more evidence I see of people literally leaving everything to follow Jesus. The disciples left everything. I envision a kind of pied piper scenario. (is that sacrilegious?) One guys fishing, he hears the music, drops everything and follows. One guys collecting taxes, he hears the music, drops everything and follows. It seems like Jesus was pretty serious when he said to leave everything and follow.

But I like my stuff. I know I definitely don't need it all and I'm trying to be more conscience of living simpler, but do I really have to give up everything?

I don't know the answer to this. And that is what I'm struggling with. But I am convinced that Jesus does not tell us to just write a check and send it off to some charity. I'm convinced that we are called to interact with and love and fellowship with the poor and needy, to see them as actual human beings created in the image of God.

This blog puts what I'm trying to say much more eloquently.
This book is evidence of someone who took Luke 18 seriously and has really helped me think through some of these things.

Bagpipe article

Here's an article I wrote the school newspaper.

Thanks to Hannah for her great editing/make-it-sound-pretty skills.
____________________________________________________
Who makes our shoes? – Child labor an ongoing tragedy we cannot afford to ignore

BY RACHAEL JONES

Today American corporations import products from all over the world—products which are often made by the hands of children and slaves.

Many prominent corporations are currently opposing a bill that would ban products made from child and slave labor. They are “worried” about what will become of their businesses when they do not have these products. They are worried specifically that such a bill would prompt further investigation into the origins of their products. While there may be other ideological reasons to oppose this specific bill, this rationale is disturbing.

The truth is that slavery is not dead in America, but is a part of our everyday life. It is convenient and cheap and we benefit from these products daily—all the while perpetuating a unjust system.

When we buy products, we are taking part in a global exchange. Our decisions affect not just us, but also the producers selling their products to us, the employees of that producer, and the individuals who made the products.

Who are these people? If we’re honest with ourselves, the answer is that we don’t really know. The rise of mass production and large manufacturers has diminished the relationship between creator and consumer. Our focus has in many ways shifted from the individual to what is cheap and efficient.

We have no idea what the situation behind our products is. We buy a shirt that says “Made in Vietnam” and that’s really all we know about where it came from. What we often fail to realize, though, is that many of these products have stories behind them, some of which are far less glamorous than the shoes we just bought.

Today American corporations import products from all over the world—products which are often made by the hands of children and slaves. Businesses know that these products are cheap and that they can make a significant profit off of them.

As American consumers, we are either ignorant of this exploitation or we just don’t care enough to change the status quo. In the past, businesses would dismiss the origin of their products. But now they are not only publicly acknowledging their dependence on slavery, but refusing to rid themselves of this source of income.

We should not be okay with this.

But what can be done? If a solution exists, it isn’t an easy one.

One solution that is often suggested is to support the fair trade movement. Companies such as World Next Door, Better Way Imports and Invisible Children’s Mend Program are committed to providing conflict-free products to the consumer as well as economic stability to those who create these products.

Of course, ideological conflicts arise even within this movement. Fair trade is limited in scope, and may even be causing more long-term harm than good. Just because a product has the “Fair Trade” stamp on it doesn’t mean that this is the best way to help developing communities.

So what should our response be? Is it really reasonable to boycott shopping at Walmart, Ikea, Hanes and L.L.Bean? I won’t pretend to have a clear-cut answer. In fact, this is one of those issues that just seems to get more complicated the deeper you investigate. But I do know that as Christians we should be at the forefront of that investigation. If nothing else, this should be something we are praying over and discussing–working out as a community what it means to seek justice and see the end of slavery in our day.

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Words couldn't describe my state of anxiousness right now. It's been over a month since I applied to be a Roadie with Invisible Children and they should be nearing their decisions. I should know the final word on Dec. 11.

I was told that the application process alone would be a huge learning experience. That couldn't be more true. When I look at where I was at when I started to seriously consider this internship during the summer and where I'm at now I can see that I am a totally different person. Not only do I know so much more about the organization, the war, the bill and social justice in general, I have also learned about my own strengths and weaknesses and grown in ways I was not expecting.

I have never prayed about anything so much in my entire life. And I'm not talking prayers asking that I would get it, but that God will give me wisdom in what I should do, peace and patience as I wait, guidance for the HR team as they sift through applications after application and that God would form the team that will best be able to rep this cause. I am praying that I will trust God in where he places me next semester and to follow that path fully.

Though I must say that it will be really hard if I don't get it. I've never wanted to do anything with my life quite as badly as I want to do this. I can see both great and tough things that can come from either route and whether I am at Covenant or on the road I will need his strength and guidance. I know that nothing in me is capable of doing either of these journeys alone.

I'm not blind to the fact that it will be extremely difficult to live with 60+ people for 2 months and travel in a van for 3. I feel confident that I have the skills necessary for the tasks at hand. I think I know what to expect but I also know that things w will be harder than I even imagine it will be. But I believe in this enough to give up a whole semester, leave my friends and my comfortable life to awaken the sleeping world to Africa's longest running war. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I feel confident yet scared shitless. I'm one great contradiction.

One of the saddest parts about leaving (other than leaving my roommates and friends, which I know would be difficult) would be leaving the IC club here that I was able to help start. I'm excited about next semester, and I could not complain about staying here for that. We will be off of our new club "probation period", we will have a budget and I know great things will be in store for those who are involved. I'm excited about the Legacy Tour that will screen here, whether I get to be on the frontlines with them or backstage preparing for them. AH, it will be the MOST EPIC tour yet! I just can't wait.

I also know that the classes I am registered for will be incredible. I'm so excited to finally start digging deeper into my major and minor and I am really looking forward to my schedule. And of course there are great things happening around. Thank goodness I love Covenant or rejection just might be unbearable.

Planning 2 lives is unsettling at times. I am nervous, yet I feel oddly comfortable. I welcome the outcome, whatever it be. Julie Moore's prayer for me was that whatever happens will be for my good and God's glory. I know that it will be. And I'm excited to see where he takes me.

I've had some time to process last Friday night and I think I'm finally beginning to believe what I've told so many people to avoid actually talking about it. It was good. It actually was. I was totally caught off guard by the whole evening. For something that required so much thought and planning I really believed that it would be perfect. How silly of me. I've been a part of enough events to know that nothing ever really goes according to plan.

Looking back I almost have to laugh at how many things fell apart in preparation for this concert. Venues, bands, posters, merchandise, etc. So it really shouldn't have surprised that only 50 or so people showed up when I was expecting at least 200. It seems almost laughable now.
I was expecting to break $1000 at this event alone, which of course would ensure us the much desired mystery box for the November challenge. The whole club was super pumped for that box, and with all our events in November it shouldn't have been a problem. But of course with last weekend's babysitting fundraiser not going according to plan in combination with this one we only managed to raise $354 for our friends at Awere.

And there it is. The cynicism, the doubt, the denial, the self pity, the feeling of failure. Only $354? So we're not moving mountains with that amount, but every big starts with a little, right? Since when did raising money to rebuild these war torn schools in Uganda become about us? When did our mentality shift from the children to a cardboard box? Of course our whole purpose was for the children, but I can't help remembering how disappointed I was when I realized we wouldn't break (or even come close to) our $1000 mark.

It took some time (I can be pretty stubborn) to see that the evening was not a complete failure as I was beginning to think it was. Here's the amazing things that came out of it:

When our headlining band backed out on us 2 days before the show I was so skeptical of anyone who would replace them. I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't think we had a greater blessing that evening than Rachel Cohen. This girl is fabulous. She so willingly filled in for us with 1 days notice. At dinner before the show she tells me "so, I thought it would be good to have a song about what we're benefiting, so I decided to write one." As she told me the lyrics across the table I was covered in chills head to toe. "He cries for his mother and hopes that no other man with a gun sees his tears. They told him if he cried then he would lose his life and he wonders if death is that bad, might be better than this life he's had." The power of these words came alive as she sang them. Everyone was dead silent, pondering the reality of these words. Tears streaked my face as I sat there listening, remembering why we were all there in the first place. What a beautiful reinforcement of how utterly desperate an end is.

I was so blown away at how many people were so gracious and encouraging to me when things did not go according to plan. I couldn't even express how thankful I was to all my friends and hallmates that came and made the most of it. To watch friends, that I know loathe dancing with all that is in them, dance the night away anyways was just incredible. I have fabulous friends. Even people I had just met or barely knew were super great. I had one guy come up to me and thank me for what we were doing. He was so encouraging and said not to worry about the attendance because it was a great evening and he said with events like this we can never know who was affected and that good can come from it, even if I don't see it.

There were so many small things like that that made the evening so great: The time of bonding that Emily and I had by praying before it started and Taco Bell after it was over, talking with the club workers and sharing the story with them, getting to know the bands and DJ more.

It may have been a small crowd, but it was a great experience. It was a time of learning, growing, bonding, and sharing the story that has so changed me. So while we may not get the mystery box, we are still working and fighting and doing what we can to end this war. And I can promise that we will not quit until Uganda experiences peace and restoration.

Here's Rachel's song:

I'm going to a school that costs ungodly amounts of money and for whatever reason I don't value the education offered here. I've used the line "I'm just so busy" more times than I can count this semester, either to cop out of something or because I'm cramming. But if I'm totally honest with myself, it's really because I'm lazy and I just don't care. I don't care that my parents are sacrificing so much to send me here. I don't care that I have a top quality education at the tip of my fingers. I don't care that my professors genuinely care about me and my success but also about what's going on in my life. I don't care that I've been shown grace time and time again when I turn something in late. I don't care about grades and I just don't care about learning. Wow. How tragic.

Even as I sit here writing about how much I wish I cared about valuing education I have 3 papers and 2 tests looming over my head.

And what's ironic is that I desperately desire knowledge and understanding. It seems like every time I sit down to write a paper or study for a test though something more exciting or glamorous comes up. I loathe facebook, and yet I spend a good majority of my day on it. I so badly want to break out of this routine of education indifference that I've managed to slide into. I want to be an intelligent person. I want to soak up this education while I have it so readily available. I don't just want to make As (which isn't happening anyways) but I want to learn and care about what I'm studying. I'm sick of staying up til 3 am working on stuff that should've been done ages ago and could've easily been done if I had just gotten off my ass and done it. I'm sick of being so distracted. I'm sick of blaming everything but myself for my poor study habits. I'm sick at not being able to manage my time.

So step 1-get off the computer
step 2- dust off that text book and crack it open
step 3- work.