Snow

How can something as beautiful as snow be such a hassle? Being from New Mexico always meant that I would hoot and holler whenever I saw just a few flakes. Now I'm sitting on my windowsill watching the hardest snowfall I've ever seen. (And I'm not exaggerating, I'm just from New Mexico.) And as I sit here, watching people play below I can't help but feel a bit smug. Being on a mountain means we become even more isolated when weather gets bad. And while I know it's entirely stupid to leave and drive in these conditions I'm far too stubborn to enjoy it if it means I'll be missing our Invisible Children benefit show. I've been looking forward to this for weeks, months even and the anticipation was killing me. I couldn't believe that Emily and I didn't have to do much at all for this event, that Fareway was so willing to plan everything for us. It was their idea, they worked out details, they found the bands, they made the posters. They played at our last benefit, which really wasn't the greatest and they were still so willing to support us in this cause. I love people like that. Usually we're scrambling to find more than 7 people to get excited about stuff, yet they so willingly offered us all of this! The world needs more folks like them in it.

I've learned enough here at Covenant and this past semester especially to know that there is a good and perfect plan in everything. God is Sovereign. Why is believing that in situations where I so desperately want to take control so hard? I guess it's because sometimes I just don't believe that. Lord help me believe.

And here's the utmost irony. Just as I typed that prayer I got a call from Emily who had talked to Fareway's manager. He just said that the whole show was canceled due to weather and that we are rescheduling for February. Turns out I don't have to miss it after all.

Sometimes I'm convinced that God tests me to see if I'll have faith and trust in his perfect timing. And after surrendering the grasp I so dearly want to hold on to he shows me that his hand was in it all along and that he truly does work all things out for His glory and my good. How funny that God chose to use a thing as simple as snow to teach me something truly valuable. He never stops working, never.

So my plan for the day:
Be still.
Rest in my Heavenly Father.
Enjoy the snow. It truly is beautiful.
Continue the study in Ecclesiastes that I just started.
Read some of the awesome books I have.
Be satisfied.

(And maybe watch some Harry Potter...)

I've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. Not because this will be news for any one of the two people who reads this (thanks Kayla and Emily, ya'll are the best) but because putting it down in writing means that I'm opening up that tightly locked compartment in the back of my brain and admitting that this is a whole lot harder than I let on.

Last night I got to witness the Invisible Children office via livestream when they got the news that they had won one million dollars from Chase Community Bank. The office was ecstatic. There were shouts of joy, laughter, tears, and of course, dancing. Black Eyed Peas "I Gotta Feeling" filled the entire office and boy, a good night it was indeed.

Obviously I love Invisible Children from the bottom of my heart, but what they did next made me love them even more. Jason Russell, tears choking his words, got up to speak. He admitted how easy it is to get caught up thinking that they are something extraordinary, that they deserved the million dollars. He said that it's so easy to forget the one that made it possible and to think that without Christ any of this could've happened. Then they prayed. They thanked God and prayed that they would be good stewards of the money and that he would be glorified in their work and how they spend the money.

I knew that the founders were all Christians and that many of the staff and interns are as well, but to see it so clearly displayed was such an encouragement. It was so cool to be able to watch that-to see that the very first thing they did was thank God for the money and ask that he would bless their use of it and make it go far beyond what any of us imagine. It was truly beautiful. I am so thankful for each of them and the work they are doing.

And yet as I watched I could not help but wish to be there with them-dancing, praying, celebrating and preparing for the Spring Legacy Tour. I could not help but look at the new batch of Roadies and picture myself there with them as my new family.

I understand why I couldn't join them for this tour and I know that they have 60 incredible people that are each there for a purpose. I know that I need to be here at Covenant and I'm actually super excited for the semester. I've been learning so much since Christmas that it's kind of unbelievable. I'm constantly learning and growing and being challenged. Urbana was huge for me. My Missions and Community Development classes are phenomenal and are constantly forcing me to think deeper. Invisible Children here at Covenant will continue to grow as a club, which will be exciting to be a part of. I've been extremely thankful for my roommates and friendships here at Covenant that have already grown deeper this semester. I know that God will use me and grow me even further this semester and I have to constantly remind myself that being here, rather than on tour, is all a part of his good and perfect plan. God, help me to believe and rest in that truth.

I've been struggling with something lately. Until recently, I have never put much thought into what what Jesus meant when he said to "sell all that you have and distribute it to the poor." Everything? Surely not. My car? My computer? My phone? My clothes? My snowboard? Everything?

I've heard sermons on this passage before and the conclusion I mostly get is that we must be willing to give up our stuff or that we must have a heart of giving but the passage is not meant to be taken literal. The more I read, the more confused I am. I read stories about Shane Claiborne and how he left everything to move into the less than glamorous side of Philly. And then I hear pastors say that it shouldn't be taken literal. But the more I look at the Bible the more evidence I see of people literally leaving everything to follow Jesus. The disciples left everything. I envision a kind of pied piper scenario. (is that sacrilegious?) One guys fishing, he hears the music, drops everything and follows. One guys collecting taxes, he hears the music, drops everything and follows. It seems like Jesus was pretty serious when he said to leave everything and follow.

But I like my stuff. I know I definitely don't need it all and I'm trying to be more conscience of living simpler, but do I really have to give up everything?

I don't know the answer to this. And that is what I'm struggling with. But I am convinced that Jesus does not tell us to just write a check and send it off to some charity. I'm convinced that we are called to interact with and love and fellowship with the poor and needy, to see them as actual human beings created in the image of God.

This blog puts what I'm trying to say much more eloquently.
This book is evidence of someone who took Luke 18 seriously and has really helped me think through some of these things.