Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Words couldn't describe my state of anxiousness right now. It's been over a month since I applied to be a Roadie with Invisible Children and they should be nearing their decisions. I should know the final word on Dec. 11.

I was told that the application process alone would be a huge learning experience. That couldn't be more true. When I look at where I was at when I started to seriously consider this internship during the summer and where I'm at now I can see that I am a totally different person. Not only do I know so much more about the organization, the war, the bill and social justice in general, I have also learned about my own strengths and weaknesses and grown in ways I was not expecting.

I have never prayed about anything so much in my entire life. And I'm not talking prayers asking that I would get it, but that God will give me wisdom in what I should do, peace and patience as I wait, guidance for the HR team as they sift through applications after application and that God would form the team that will best be able to rep this cause. I am praying that I will trust God in where he places me next semester and to follow that path fully.

Though I must say that it will be really hard if I don't get it. I've never wanted to do anything with my life quite as badly as I want to do this. I can see both great and tough things that can come from either route and whether I am at Covenant or on the road I will need his strength and guidance. I know that nothing in me is capable of doing either of these journeys alone.

I'm not blind to the fact that it will be extremely difficult to live with 60+ people for 2 months and travel in a van for 3. I feel confident that I have the skills necessary for the tasks at hand. I think I know what to expect but I also know that things w will be harder than I even imagine it will be. But I believe in this enough to give up a whole semester, leave my friends and my comfortable life to awaken the sleeping world to Africa's longest running war. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I feel confident yet scared shitless. I'm one great contradiction.

One of the saddest parts about leaving (other than leaving my roommates and friends, which I know would be difficult) would be leaving the IC club here that I was able to help start. I'm excited about next semester, and I could not complain about staying here for that. We will be off of our new club "probation period", we will have a budget and I know great things will be in store for those who are involved. I'm excited about the Legacy Tour that will screen here, whether I get to be on the frontlines with them or backstage preparing for them. AH, it will be the MOST EPIC tour yet! I just can't wait.

I also know that the classes I am registered for will be incredible. I'm so excited to finally start digging deeper into my major and minor and I am really looking forward to my schedule. And of course there are great things happening around. Thank goodness I love Covenant or rejection just might be unbearable.

Planning 2 lives is unsettling at times. I am nervous, yet I feel oddly comfortable. I welcome the outcome, whatever it be. Julie Moore's prayer for me was that whatever happens will be for my good and God's glory. I know that it will be. And I'm excited to see where he takes me.