I've had some time to process last Friday night and I think I'm finally beginning to believe what I've told so many people to avoid actually talking about it. It was good. It actually was. I was totally caught off guard by the whole evening. For something that required so much thought and planning I really believed that it would be perfect. How silly of me. I've been a part of enough events to know that nothing ever really goes according to plan.

Looking back I almost have to laugh at how many things fell apart in preparation for this concert. Venues, bands, posters, merchandise, etc. So it really shouldn't have surprised that only 50 or so people showed up when I was expecting at least 200. It seems almost laughable now.
I was expecting to break $1000 at this event alone, which of course would ensure us the much desired mystery box for the November challenge. The whole club was super pumped for that box, and with all our events in November it shouldn't have been a problem. But of course with last weekend's babysitting fundraiser not going according to plan in combination with this one we only managed to raise $354 for our friends at Awere.

And there it is. The cynicism, the doubt, the denial, the self pity, the feeling of failure. Only $354? So we're not moving mountains with that amount, but every big starts with a little, right? Since when did raising money to rebuild these war torn schools in Uganda become about us? When did our mentality shift from the children to a cardboard box? Of course our whole purpose was for the children, but I can't help remembering how disappointed I was when I realized we wouldn't break (or even come close to) our $1000 mark.

It took some time (I can be pretty stubborn) to see that the evening was not a complete failure as I was beginning to think it was. Here's the amazing things that came out of it:

When our headlining band backed out on us 2 days before the show I was so skeptical of anyone who would replace them. I couldn't have been more wrong. I don't think we had a greater blessing that evening than Rachel Cohen. This girl is fabulous. She so willingly filled in for us with 1 days notice. At dinner before the show she tells me "so, I thought it would be good to have a song about what we're benefiting, so I decided to write one." As she told me the lyrics across the table I was covered in chills head to toe. "He cries for his mother and hopes that no other man with a gun sees his tears. They told him if he cried then he would lose his life and he wonders if death is that bad, might be better than this life he's had." The power of these words came alive as she sang them. Everyone was dead silent, pondering the reality of these words. Tears streaked my face as I sat there listening, remembering why we were all there in the first place. What a beautiful reinforcement of how utterly desperate an end is.

I was so blown away at how many people were so gracious and encouraging to me when things did not go according to plan. I couldn't even express how thankful I was to all my friends and hallmates that came and made the most of it. To watch friends, that I know loathe dancing with all that is in them, dance the night away anyways was just incredible. I have fabulous friends. Even people I had just met or barely knew were super great. I had one guy come up to me and thank me for what we were doing. He was so encouraging and said not to worry about the attendance because it was a great evening and he said with events like this we can never know who was affected and that good can come from it, even if I don't see it.

There were so many small things like that that made the evening so great: The time of bonding that Emily and I had by praying before it started and Taco Bell after it was over, talking with the club workers and sharing the story with them, getting to know the bands and DJ more.

It may have been a small crowd, but it was a great experience. It was a time of learning, growing, bonding, and sharing the story that has so changed me. So while we may not get the mystery box, we are still working and fighting and doing what we can to end this war. And I can promise that we will not quit until Uganda experiences peace and restoration.

Here's Rachel's song: